STORIES WE TELL

"Our human capacity for self-deception is almost as vast as our capacity for awakening." This quote comes from the book After the Ecstasy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield. (The book explores how spiritual enlightenment can be integrated with the realities of everyday life.)

You might have heard already how stories and story-telling are central to the human experience. You can use this knowledge to craft persuasive and memorable messages, or to question your beliefs about others and yourself. You might even use it to become a better person.

I have certainly thought a lot about stories, especially how they relate to the paradoxes hiding behind the word "power": human beings have the capacity to create amazing stories with lasting impact, yet people are often misled by stories that they tell themselves. Do we have power over the stories in our heads, or do these stories have power over us? Probably, both. (I am going to talk more about these paradoxes in my future newsletters.) 

Here, I want to share a poem that I wrote about stories. The title of this poem is "Lullaby." I wrote it with "media" stories in mind--narratives that capture our imagination and connect with our deepest human needs: for beauty, order, and meaning. The poem came out quite pessimistic, but I didn't mean to suggest that we should stop telling stories or believing them entirely. We should just be always careful not to get lost. After the poem (video and text) you can find a longer quote from Kornfield's book. I encourage you to read his insightful words.  

One thing that I want to emphasize: telling stories (including misleading ones) and getting lost in stories is not just what some other people do. It's what we all do as human beings. I hope you approach the ideas I share below without (self-)judgment but with compassion and humility.  

​LULLABY

Tell me a story, tell me a lie
Make it as sweet as a lullaby
I won’t wake up even if I try

Make it something special
‘Cause life is a bore
Fill your story with beauty
That’s hard to ignore
Fill it with perfection 
That’s hard to resist 
Turn villains to heroes to give it a twist
But no in-betweens, ‘cause they do not exist

Make it as sweet as a lullaby 
I won’t wake up, I won’t even try 

There should be problems
And puzzles to solve
But right all the wrongs 
With some love and resolve
Give meaning to everything 
Make it make sense 
Your story should be like an intricate dance
With logic and purpose in each single step
So that in the end I will know when to clap

Make it as sweet as a lullaby
If life isn’t like that
Then life is a lie

---

From ​After the Ecstasy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield:

"Our entanglement in thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, those around us, and the world makes it impossible to be where we are. It is like the Zen painter who finished a life-sized portrait of a tiger on the wall of his dwelling. Returning home lost in thought some days later, he was frightened upon suddenly seeing the tiger there, having forgotten it was his own creation. As we undertake to quiet our minds through meditation or prayer, we see how much of our life is governed by these unconscious stories...

We begin to see the themes of our inner dialogue, which can be ambition or unworthiness, insecurity or hope, self-hatred or self-improvement. The stories reflect our conditioning, personal and cultural... Central to the stories we tell are the fixed beliefs we have about ourselves... Because those thoughts and assumptions are so powerful, we live out their energies over and over. These patterns of thought, together with the contractions of body and heart, create a limited sense of self...

​An honorable practice unmasks these stories and releases their limiting beliefs, just as it opens the body and heart. We begin to recognize the patterns of these contractions and to learn that they are not the most fundamental reality... With innocence and openness we return to the simplicity of direct experience. When we step out of the current of thoughts, letting go of 'how it was and how it should be,' of 'how we should be,' we enter the eternal present."