Elizaveta Friesem
  • About
  • Books
    • Media is us >
      • Principles of communication
      • Micro- and macropower
      • ACE model
      • Description of chapters
    • Hypertexts >
      • Me, looking for meaning >
        • All the pages I have started
        • List of completed pages
        • Human thinking is nonlinear >
          • Verbal vs. nonverbal communication
          • Human thinking
          • What is "natural"?
          • On being a writer >
            • On being a scholar
          • Paradox
          • Make Sense >
            • Interpretation
            • Knowledge
          • Human brain
        • Content and form of this book >
          • Rhizome in philosophy
        • My quest for meaning >
          • Why do people hurt each other? >
            • Good vs. evil
            • Violence in the human nature
            • Mean and stupid >
              • Free will
              • Can I give myself credit for being empathetic?
            • Circumstances
            • Cycle of violence
            • Doing the right thing
            • Norms
            • Everybody is connected
            • We hurt others when we are in pain >
              • Emotional pain
            • (Mis)understanding each other's needs
            • Both sides
            • Self-awareness and empathy of higher order
          • Postmodern philosophy >
            • On being right
            • Truth
            • Reality
            • Binaries
            • Power
            • Cognitive biases
            • Why do misunderstandings happen?
            • Postmodern worldview
            • Us and them
          • Science, religion and art
          • Human nature
          • Meaning >
            • Human needs
            • Meaning of life
            • Where do meanings come from?
            • Ideas
            • Why do everyday objects make sense?
            • Meaningless >
              • Common sense
              • Explain/excuse conflation
              • Choice
              • Subjectivity and objectivity
            • "It is what it is"
            • How much do we understand each other?
            • Meaning wars
            • Communication
            • Objectification
            • Meaning communities
            • Meaning-seeking vs. meaning-making
            • Individual meanings vs. shared meanings
            • Feelings
        • Hypertext books
        • Why am I trying to stay sane? >
          • Coronavirus and me
          • I am an optimist
          • What does it mean to "understand"? >
            • Polarization >
              • Parenting
              • Problem/solution binary
            • Understanding ourselves
            • Why is language so unhelpful? >
              • Synesthesia
              • Language
              • Media
            • Empathy >
              • When conflict gets out of control
              • "Little lady" and "differently-abled"
              • Empathy as a matter of self-preservation
              • Self-empathy
            • "I'll never understand!"
          • Everybody has their struggles
          • Privilege
          • "The Death of the Author"
          • What is a text?
          • Literal vs. nonliteral communication
        • What's the point? >
          • Depression
          • Do children ask themselves about the purpose of life?
          • The importance of having a purpose >
            • Knowing your true purpose
            • Self-awareness
            • Inner compass
            • Forgetting about your purpose
        • What will this project become? >
          • Suggested citation format
      • Power of meanings // Meanings of power
      • It's not about "them"
  • Editing
    • Me as your editor
    • How I will help you
    • Pricing
    • Privacy policy
  • Blog
  • Workshops
    • Five (easy) steps to become media literate
    • Surviving the polarization vortex
  • Learn more
    • Bio
    • Talks and interviews
    • Poems >
      • Stranger
      • Lonely heart
      • Fairy tales
      • Dreams and nightmares
      • Moon
      • Seasons
      • Muse
      • Sketches
      • Nonsense
    • Educational materials
  • Contact me

Parenting

Parenting is a lot about power. Here I am going to talk about some conclusions I made for myself as I have been parenting (which, in a curious way, became a part on my scholarship). I understand that parenting is a contentious issue, and people usually don't really like when others tell them how to parent. So everything said below is based on by experiences and colored by my biases. Please, take it with a grain of salt.

Anyhow, parenting is about power, because parents often make decisions for their kids, but kids often impact greatly how parents live their lives. I came to the conclusion that the parent/child relationship is an important time when the growing individual gets a chance to explore and understand their power. When a parent is tired, busy, dealing with their own demons, it's easy for the parent to use their authority and not to get into complexity of relationships and situations. But if a child often feels that they have to do things and the response they are getting is "just because I told you so", they grow up starved for power. And there is nobody as eager to exercise their power as somebody who has not been able to do so for a while (extreme examples of that are bloody revolutions). 

I decided for myself that I want my kids to understand the complexity of power. Not in an extremely abstract scholarly way, but little by little, as part of their relationships. I want to have healthy boundaries, but I also want my kids to feel that they have power. I do that by giving them choices (that's not a new parental technique of course, but the one that is very important, in my opinion). I also admit that I do not know things and that I need their help to solve conflict situations. When they argue about something, it's not uncommon for me to say, with all the honesty: "I don't know what to do right now. Please, help me resolve this". This does not always work, but it does work sometimes, which I am very happy about. It does take a whole lot of energy! 

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​About this project: Start page
Picture
  • About
  • Books
    • Media is us >
      • Principles of communication
      • Micro- and macropower
      • ACE model
      • Description of chapters
    • Hypertexts >
      • Me, looking for meaning >
        • All the pages I have started
        • List of completed pages
        • Human thinking is nonlinear >
          • Verbal vs. nonverbal communication
          • Human thinking
          • What is "natural"?
          • On being a writer >
            • On being a scholar
          • Paradox
          • Make Sense >
            • Interpretation
            • Knowledge
          • Human brain
        • Content and form of this book >
          • Rhizome in philosophy
        • My quest for meaning >
          • Why do people hurt each other? >
            • Good vs. evil
            • Violence in the human nature
            • Mean and stupid >
              • Free will
              • Can I give myself credit for being empathetic?
            • Circumstances
            • Cycle of violence
            • Doing the right thing
            • Norms
            • Everybody is connected
            • We hurt others when we are in pain >
              • Emotional pain
            • (Mis)understanding each other's needs
            • Both sides
            • Self-awareness and empathy of higher order
          • Postmodern philosophy >
            • On being right
            • Truth
            • Reality
            • Binaries
            • Power
            • Cognitive biases
            • Why do misunderstandings happen?
            • Postmodern worldview
            • Us and them
          • Science, religion and art
          • Human nature
          • Meaning >
            • Human needs
            • Meaning of life
            • Where do meanings come from?
            • Ideas
            • Why do everyday objects make sense?
            • Meaningless >
              • Common sense
              • Explain/excuse conflation
              • Choice
              • Subjectivity and objectivity
            • "It is what it is"
            • How much do we understand each other?
            • Meaning wars
            • Communication
            • Objectification
            • Meaning communities
            • Meaning-seeking vs. meaning-making
            • Individual meanings vs. shared meanings
            • Feelings
        • Hypertext books
        • Why am I trying to stay sane? >
          • Coronavirus and me
          • I am an optimist
          • What does it mean to "understand"? >
            • Polarization >
              • Parenting
              • Problem/solution binary
            • Understanding ourselves
            • Why is language so unhelpful? >
              • Synesthesia
              • Language
              • Media
            • Empathy >
              • When conflict gets out of control
              • "Little lady" and "differently-abled"
              • Empathy as a matter of self-preservation
              • Self-empathy
            • "I'll never understand!"
          • Everybody has their struggles
          • Privilege
          • "The Death of the Author"
          • What is a text?
          • Literal vs. nonliteral communication
        • What's the point? >
          • Depression
          • Do children ask themselves about the purpose of life?
          • The importance of having a purpose >
            • Knowing your true purpose
            • Self-awareness
            • Inner compass
            • Forgetting about your purpose
        • What will this project become? >
          • Suggested citation format
      • Power of meanings // Meanings of power
      • It's not about "them"
  • Editing
    • Me as your editor
    • How I will help you
    • Pricing
    • Privacy policy
  • Blog
  • Workshops
    • Five (easy) steps to become media literate
    • Surviving the polarization vortex
  • Learn more
    • Bio
    • Talks and interviews
    • Poems >
      • Stranger
      • Lonely heart
      • Fairy tales
      • Dreams and nightmares
      • Moon
      • Seasons
      • Muse
      • Sketches
      • Nonsense
    • Educational materials
  • Contact me