Elizaveta Friesem
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          • Subjectivity and objectivity
          • Suggested citation format
          • Symbolic interactionism and Buddhism
          • Synesthesia
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          • "The Death of the Author"
          • The importance of having a purpose
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          • Verbal vs. nonverbal communication
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      • Power of meanings // Meanings of power
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Parenting

PAGE IN PROGRESS
What you see here is a page of my hypertext book Me, Looking for Meaning. Initially empty, it will slowly be filled with thoughts, notes, and quotes. One day, I will use them to write a coherent entry, similar to these completed pages. See this post to better understand my creative process. Thank you for your interest and patience! :)

Parenting is a lot about power. Here I am going to talk about some conclusions I made for myself as I have been parenting (which, in a curious way, became a part on my scholarship). I understand that parenting is a contentious issue, and people usually don't really like when others tell them how to parent. So everything said below is based on by experiences and colored by my biases. Please, take it with a grain of salt.

Anyhow, parenting is about power, because parents often make decisions for their kids, but kids often impact greatly how parents live their lives. I came to the conclusion that the parent/child relationship is an important time when the growing individual gets a chance to explore and understand their power. When a parent is tired, busy, dealing with their own demons, it's easy for the parent to use their authority and not to get into complexity of relationships and situations. But if a child often feels that they have to do things and the response they are getting is "just because I told you so", they grow up starved for power. And there is nobody as eager to exercise their power as somebody who has not been able to do so for a while (extreme examples of that are bloody revolutions).

I decided for myself that I want my kids to understand the complexity of power. Not in an extremely abstract scholarly way, but little by little, as part of their relationships. I want to have healthy boundaries, but I also want my kids to feel that they have power. I do that by giving them choices (that's not a new parental technique of course, but the one that is very important, in my opinion). I also admit that I do not know things and that I need their help to solve conflict situations. When they argue about something, it's not uncommon for me to say, with all the honesty: "I don't know what to do right now. Please, help me resolve this". This does not always work, but it does work sometimes, which I am very happy about. It does take a whole lot of energy!

"Bluey parenting", see episode Rain from season 3

parents cannot help their kids if they cannot help themselves, if they don’t know how to process their own emotional pain

more awareness about things that could go wrong > parents are more anxious [connect to my article on media about how awareness can be a problem]

From Gee, Intro to Discourse Analysis, Chapter 9:
?In her book Unequal Childhoods (2003), Annette Lareau identified two different models of what it means to raise children. These models are what we would call figured worlds. Her work is a close ethnographic study of child rearing in different homes. One model she calls the “cultivation model.” This model is applied mostly, though not exclusively, by middle- and upper-middle-class parents. The other model she calls the “natural growth model.” This model is applied mostly, though not exclusively, by non-middle-class parents, parents in the working class or poor parents."
​
Working class parents choose more authoritarian parenting - reproducing their subordinate position in society ?
​

​About this project: Start page
Picture

I use AI tools as a kind of writing partner—sometimes to shape drafts, clarify arguments, or explore phrasing. But the ideas, perspectives, and direction are always my own. Every piece here is part of an evolving personal project.
  • About
  • Books
    • Media is us >
      • Principles of communication
      • Micro- and macropower
      • ACE model
      • Description of chapters
    • Hypertexts >
      • Me, looking for meaning >
        • A
        • B >
          • Binaries
          • Both sides
          • Bureaucracy
        • C >
          • Can I give myself credit for being empathetic?
          • Choice
          • Circumstances
          • Cognitive biases
          • Common sense
          • Communication
          • Coincidence
          • Content and form of this book
          • Coronavirus and me
          • Culture
          • Cycle of violence
        • D >
          • Depression
          • Do children ask themselves about the purpose of life?
          • Doing the right thing
        • E >
          • Emotional pain
          • Empathy
          • Empathy as a matter of self-preservation
          • Everybody has their struggles
          • Everybody is connected
          • Explain/excuse conflation
        • F >
          • Feelings and emotions
          • Forgetting about your purpose
          • Free will
        • G >
          • Good vs. Bad
        • H >
          • Meaning of honor
          • How much do we understand each other?
          • Human brain
          • Human nature
          • Human needs
          • Human thinking
          • Human thinking is nonlinear
          • Hurt people hurt people
          • Hypertext books
        • I >
          • I am an optimist
          • Ideas
          • "I'll never understand!"
          • Individual meanings vs. shared meanings
          • Inner compass
          • Interpretation
          • "It is what it is"
        • J
        • K >
          • Knowing your true purpose
          • Knowledge
        • L >
          • Language
          • List of completed pages
          • Literal vs. nonliteral communication
        • M >
          • Make Sense
          • May I meet this, too, with kindness
          • Meaning as importance
          • Mean and stupid
          • My Anxiety
          • Meaning
          • Meaningless
          • Meaning wars
          • Meaning of life
          • Meaning communities
          • Meanings perceived by animals
          • Meaning-seeking vs. meaning-making
          • Media
          • (Mis)understanding each other's needs
          • Misunderstanding
          • My perfectionism
          • My quest for meaning
        • N >
          • Norms and normal
        • O >
          • Objectification
          • On being a scholar
          • On being a writer
          • On being right
        • P >
          • Paradox
          • Privilege
          • Polarization
          • Postmodern worldview
          • Postmodern philosophy
          • Power
          • Power of the mind
          • Problem/solution binary
        • Q
        • R >
          • Reality
          • Rhizome in philosophy
        • S >
          • Science, religion and art
          • Self-awareness and empathy of higher order
          • Self-awareness
          • Self-empathy
          • Stories we tell
          • Society vs Individual
          • Subjectivity and objectivity
          • Suggested citation format
          • Symbolic interactionism and Buddhism
          • Synesthesia
        • T >
          • "The Death of the Author"
          • The importance of having a purpose
          • Truth
        • U >
          • Understanding ourselves
          • Us and them
        • V >
          • Verbal vs. nonverbal communication
          • Violence in the human nature
        • W >
          • What does it mean to "understand"?
          • What is a text?
          • What we can learn about ourselves from media
          • What is "natural"?
          • What's the point?
          • What will this project become?
          • When conflicts get out of control
          • Where do meanings come from?
          • Why am I trying to stay sane?
          • Why do people hurt each other?
          • Why is language so unhelpful?
          • Why do everyday objects make sense?
          • Why do misunderstandings happen?
        • X
        • Y
        • Z
      • Power of meanings // Meanings of power
  • Editing
    • Me as your editor
    • How I will help you
    • Pricing
    • Privacy policy
  • Blog
  • Learn more
    • Workshops >
      • Five (easy) steps to become media literate
      • Surviving the polarization vortex
      • Understanding yourself
      • Not enough
    • Bio
    • Talks and interviews
    • Essays
    • Poetry >
      • Russian poems >
        • Stranger
        • Lonely heart
        • Fairy tales
        • Dreams and nightmares
        • Puzzles
        • Moon
        • Seasons
        • Muse
        • Art
        • Games
        • Sketches
        • Nonsense
      • Video poems (English and Russian) >
        • Butterfly (poem)
        • One day, I will return (poem)
        • Where are you now? (poem)
        • Hole in the world (poem)
        • Wondering (poem)
        • Wanderer II (poem)
        • What people call love (poem)
    • Epoxy resin
    • Photography
    • Educational materials
  • Contact me