Elizaveta Friesem
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What's the Point?

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We can probably all agree that "What's the point?" is not a happy question. If it occupies our mind so much that we are not even able to get out of bed and proceed with our lives, doctors call this condition "depression". It's difficult to find motivation if we don't feel that anything we do have a purpose.

Even if we don't struggle with depression or a similar mental illness, this question lurks in our heads once in a while, especially when we are tired and upset. It's what we wonder what things are going wrong. In contrast, we are content when our efforts pay off and our activities seem to contribute to some bigger goal. Knowing "what the point is" appears to be a prerequisite of happiness. 

By taking a closer look, we can see that the dreaded question is about meanings that we ascribe to our actions and to their context. A response we choose depends on ideas, thoughts, associations, interpretations and assumptions that exist in our heads. And because all of those are not natural or absolute, our answer will be subjective and subject to change according to circumstances we are dealing with. This explains why, on bad days, our life may seem meaningless, while on good days we will be able to find our purpose again. 

The answer to the "What's the point?" question will be different for different people according to their backgrounds and experiences. Small children are often motivated by the goal of having fun and being loved by their parents. As people grow, a meaningful life is increasingly determined by groups and collectives they associate themselves with. An individual's motivation changes throughout her life, depending on values she chooses, things she learns and meaning communities she joins. One person can be motivated by the urge to afford a certain quality of life and image. Another individual may be driven by the quest for truth or by the need to promote what they consider to be true and important. One's motivation can be self-oriented (e.g., become famous) or altruistic (e.g., save the environment); it can be vague (e.g., make a difference) or specific (e.g., raise happy children). 

Despite this variety, one thing is clear: we want our life to have a point. One possible explanation for this is provided by Terror Management Theory (Solomon, Greenberg, & Pyszczynski, 2015). All human beings fear death - consciously or unconsciously. This fear finds manifestations in the need to feel that our existence is meaningful. Specific ways we find meaning (i.e., point or purpose) of our life differ. However, what we have in common is that most of us want to see how different activities we do contribute to the overarching purpose of life that we consciously or unconsciously chose. When we are caught in routines and their stresses, keeping the eye on the bigger goal may become increasingly difficult. That's when the "What's the point?" question becomes more prominent, leading to dissatisfaction. 

Because people's backgrounds and circumstances are so different, understanding each other's motivation can be a problem. It is easy to assume that, when somebody does something we dislike, this person is "just mean" or "just stupid". In other words, it is easy to assume that another person's actions are pointless. But this is most likely not the case. By ignoring the point of another person's actions, we lose an opportunity of having a deeper conversation. If it is true that the purpose of life helps us overcome the fear of death, ignoring or diminishing a person's purpose is likely to prevent this person from having a dialogue with us.

SOURCES:
Solomon, S., Greenberg, J., & Pyszczynski, T. (2015). The worm at the core: On the role of death in life. Random House.

​About this project: Start page

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  • About
  • Books
    • Media is us >
      • Principles of communication
      • Micro- and macropower
      • ACE model
      • Description of chapters
      • When conflicts get out of control
    • Hypertexts >
      • Me, looking for meaning >
        • A >
          • Anxiety
          • Am I strong or am I weak?
        • B >
          • Binaries
          • Both sides
        • C >
          • Can I give myself credit for being empathetic?
          • Choice
          • Circumstances
          • Cognitive biases
          • Common sense
          • Communication
          • Content and form of this book
          • Coronavirus and me
          • Culture
          • Cycle of violence
        • D >
          • Depression
          • Do children ask themselves about the purpose of life?
          • Doing the right thing
        • E >
          • Emotional pain
          • Empathy
          • Empathy as a matter of self-preservation
          • Everybody has their struggles
          • Everybody is connected
          • Explain/excuse conflation
        • F >
          • Feelings and emotions
          • Forgetting about your purpose
          • Free will
        • G >
          • Good vs. Bad
        • H >
          • How much do we understand each other?
          • Human brain
          • Human nature
          • Human needs
          • Human thinking
          • Human thinking is nonlinear
          • Hypertext books
        • I >
          • I am an optimist
          • Ideas
          • "I'll never understand!"
          • Individual meanings vs. shared meanings
          • Inner compass
          • Interpretation
          • "It is what it is"
        • J
        • K >
          • Knowing your true purpose
          • Knowledge
        • L >
          • Language
          • List of completed pages
          • Literal vs. nonliteral communication
        • M >
          • Make Sense
          • May I meet this, too, with kindness
          • Meaning as importance
          • Mean and stupid
          • Meaning
          • Meaningless
          • Meaning wars
          • Meaning of life
          • Meaning communities
          • Meanings perceived by animals
          • Meaning-seeking vs. meaning-making
          • Media
          • (Mis)understanding each other's needs
          • My quest for meaning
        • N >
          • Norms
        • O >
          • Objectification
          • On being a scholar
          • On being a writer
          • On being right
        • P >
          • Paradox
          • Parenting
          • Privilege
          • Polarization
          • Postmodern worldview
          • Postmodern philosophy
          • Power
          • Power to see things in a certain way
          • Problem/solution binary
        • Q
        • R >
          • Reality
          • Rhizome in philosophy
        • S >
          • Science, religion and art
          • Self-awareness and empathy of higher order
          • Self-awareness
          • Self-empathy
          • Subjectivity and objectivity
          • Suggested citation format
          • Synesthesia
        • T >
          • "The Death of the Author"
          • The importance of having a purpose
          • Truth
        • U >
          • Understanding ourselves
          • Us and them
        • V >
          • Verbal vs. nonverbal communication
          • Violence in the human nature
        • W >
          • What does it mean to "understand"?
          • What is a text?
          • What we can learn about ourselves from media
          • What is "natural"?
          • What's the point?
          • What will this project become?
          • We hurt others when we are in pain
          • Where do meanings come from?
          • Why am I trying to stay sane?
          • Why do people hurt each other?
          • Why is language so unhelpful?
          • Why do everyday objects make sense?
          • Why do misunderstandings happen?
        • X
        • Y
        • Z
      • Power of meanings // Meanings of power
      • It's not about "them"
  • Editing
    • Me as your editor
    • How I will help you
    • Pricing
    • Privacy policy
  • Blog
  • Workshops
    • Five (easy) steps to become media literate
    • Surviving the polarization vortex
    • Understanding yourself
    • Not enough
  • Learn more
    • Bio
    • Talks and interviews
    • Essays
    • Poems >
      • Stranger
      • Lonely heart
      • Fairy tales
      • Dreams and nightmares
      • Puzzles
      • Moon
      • Seasons
      • Muse
      • Art
      • Sketches
      • Nonsense
    • Educational materials
  • Contact me