Why Am I Trying to Stay Sane?
Perhaps, "trying to stay sane" is too strong of a phrase. Having written it this way, I started to doubt my decision. I am not really losing my sanity. Many people have been dealing with actual mental health problems, but not me.
Still, I decided to keep this wording. It will allow me to point out that human communication is often nonliteral. At the same time, we may want to discuss why somebody with an actual mental health condition may be upset when a person without such a condition uses words like "crazy" or "insane".
I started this book in February 2021, almost a year after coronavirus was pronounced a pandemic. I am an optimist, so I have done my best not to focus on negative sides of the situation. Indeed, I have not been sick, and neither has anybody close to me. Technically, all my needs are met: I have food, I am safe, I am with my family, and I even have some time for self-actualization (that is, for writing). At the same time, if I were a pessimist, I would have a number challenges to dwell on.
Plenty has been said about the difficulties experienced during the pandemic by parents of small children (or any children, for that matter). The daycare where our sons Robin and Sky used to go closed its doors mid March 2020. Don't get me wrong: I love my kids and I enjoy spending time with them. But taking care of them almost all the time - day and night - without any break, was not easy, both for me and my husband. To clarify: I spend more time with them on average because my husband has a full-time job and I work part-time. Having two very active small kids who were not sleeping well till the summer of 2021 explains why I was sleep-deprived and exhausted for months. Even now (as of June 2021), some days are fun and others are hell (most are a mix of both), even with some part-time help (nanny or babysitter).
Same as most other people, I have suffered from being stuck at home without many opportunities to spend time with friends, or just simply to change the scenery. In the beginning of the pandemic (spring 2020), there was hope that things would get better soon, and this hope kept me going. In the summer of 2020, I could enjoy outdoors, even if we mostly walked the same route in our neighborhood. Then the winter 2020 came, and things got worse again. Same as many other people, I miss some previously considered "normal" activities: going to a restaurant or a museum, shopping, etc. Having small kids has not made this any easier.
There is a number of other things to consider, factors that shaped how I was feeling when the idea to start this book first crossed my mind (February 2021). In no particular order: not seeing my mom (who lives in Russia) for a very long time and being worried about her; developing a plan for a career change and experiencing the feeling of uncertainty that comes with this kind of shift; dealing with a mild identity crisis (connected with the career change); trying to understand what is going on with the world (e.g., potential economic crisis, anti-racism unrests, U.S. election). There are some other (more personal) things that I am not going to get into here. You get the picture.
All that said, I must admit that I am a pretty lucky and privileged person. I know many people have had it much worse than me. To tell you the truth, I feel guilty looking the description of my struggles (my "struggles"?) that I listed above. As you can see, I am trying to find a balance between acknowledging that the past year and a half have not been easy for me and being grateful for what I have.
How much can all these confessions help my readers understand the book that I am writing? This remains to be seen.
NOTE: This page was updated in June 2021.
About this project: Start page
Still, I decided to keep this wording. It will allow me to point out that human communication is often nonliteral. At the same time, we may want to discuss why somebody with an actual mental health condition may be upset when a person without such a condition uses words like "crazy" or "insane".
I started this book in February 2021, almost a year after coronavirus was pronounced a pandemic. I am an optimist, so I have done my best not to focus on negative sides of the situation. Indeed, I have not been sick, and neither has anybody close to me. Technically, all my needs are met: I have food, I am safe, I am with my family, and I even have some time for self-actualization (that is, for writing). At the same time, if I were a pessimist, I would have a number challenges to dwell on.
Plenty has been said about the difficulties experienced during the pandemic by parents of small children (or any children, for that matter). The daycare where our sons Robin and Sky used to go closed its doors mid March 2020. Don't get me wrong: I love my kids and I enjoy spending time with them. But taking care of them almost all the time - day and night - without any break, was not easy, both for me and my husband. To clarify: I spend more time with them on average because my husband has a full-time job and I work part-time. Having two very active small kids who were not sleeping well till the summer of 2021 explains why I was sleep-deprived and exhausted for months. Even now (as of June 2021), some days are fun and others are hell (most are a mix of both), even with some part-time help (nanny or babysitter).
Same as most other people, I have suffered from being stuck at home without many opportunities to spend time with friends, or just simply to change the scenery. In the beginning of the pandemic (spring 2020), there was hope that things would get better soon, and this hope kept me going. In the summer of 2020, I could enjoy outdoors, even if we mostly walked the same route in our neighborhood. Then the winter 2020 came, and things got worse again. Same as many other people, I miss some previously considered "normal" activities: going to a restaurant or a museum, shopping, etc. Having small kids has not made this any easier.
There is a number of other things to consider, factors that shaped how I was feeling when the idea to start this book first crossed my mind (February 2021). In no particular order: not seeing my mom (who lives in Russia) for a very long time and being worried about her; developing a plan for a career change and experiencing the feeling of uncertainty that comes with this kind of shift; dealing with a mild identity crisis (connected with the career change); trying to understand what is going on with the world (e.g., potential economic crisis, anti-racism unrests, U.S. election). There are some other (more personal) things that I am not going to get into here. You get the picture.
All that said, I must admit that I am a pretty lucky and privileged person. I know many people have had it much worse than me. To tell you the truth, I feel guilty looking the description of my struggles (my "struggles"?) that I listed above. As you can see, I am trying to find a balance between acknowledging that the past year and a half have not been easy for me and being grateful for what I have.
How much can all these confessions help my readers understand the book that I am writing? This remains to be seen.
NOTE: This page was updated in June 2021.
About this project: Start page
